To my friends on here at Face Book. Today is the most devastating day of my thus far. Today early this morning my dear 25 year old daughter died in my dear 27 year old's apartment. I'm thinking of a drug overdose. Angela had a very difficult life. She struggled with depression, lack of making friends easily, social difficulties. I have always been concerned for her and have tried to intervene many times. I am so heart broken I can't even find the words. How could I have lost my youngest daughter at age 25?! How could this have happened. For those ones who are lonely, and feel despair and feel there is no hope I beg you to get help. I beg you to reach out to God. I beg you to not stay silent! I only ever wanted Ang to have a life filled with love. Now I don't have her at all.
My last day with my dear precious angel; Angela Hope Smith -
:) — with Sandy Smith at Wisecrackers.
~
February 28, 2013
Realizations:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rabbi-joseph-meszler/how-i-made-peace-with-death_b_2575722.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
I posted this very article on February 2 and that very evening I spent with Angela. Was God preparing my heart? It's so surreal. I have much to meditate on here.
Some loving comments people have given in memory of Ang...
Sandy, Morgan and I love you guys and we are praying for you. I remember the first time I met you. You came in to Wesley student center looking for someone to pray with, and we prayed for Angela and Sarah. I know how much you love her, love both of them. There is no denying that, and because of that I know that I can't begin to understand your pain. I am so sorry. My heart is broken for you and your family. I will be praying for you, and with you. ~Morgan and Becky
This has always been a bit of comfort for me, if you have heard it... perhaps reading it again will make you smile and if you haven't ... I hope you find it as lovely as I always have!
Do not stand at my grave and weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
~Mary Elizabeth Frye
~Betty Rebel
Oh my Sandy I have you and Sarah in my thoughts and prayers. Know that you are loved by all of your family here. ~Ginger
I am in shock. I will pray for you and your family. :( ~Max
I can't express how I feel right now your in my thoughts as well as the rest of the family. Angela meant so much to me. If you need me or anything at all you can call me. I love you guys. ~Tanya
My heart and prayers are with you. My heart is breaking for my sister in Christ, Sandy Smith, whose daughter, Angela Hope Smith, 25, passed away today. Angela's sister, Sarah Bailey, found her and, understandably, is devastated. Please pray for this family...there is a close mother and daughters bond that will make recovery very hard. Thank you for praying for this mama, sister and the rest of their family. Sometimes the anguish feels too great. Father, God- I come before you in the name of your son, Jesus, and I pray for rest and comfort for Sarah and Sandy . I pray you you would give their bodies and mind rest and your peace that passes all understanding would uphold their hearts.♥~Kim Fike
Prayers for our dear friend Sandy Smith whose 25-year-old daughter passed away last night. Out of respect for her and her family, I will not share more details than that, either here or via private message. Please remember her, her other daughter, and the rest of her family, in your prayers during this devastating time. ~The Peachy's
My dear Sarah said 2-8:
24 hours ago from this moment, I was laying on the bathroom floor, holding my dead 25 year old sister in my arms. This world lost an amazing, sweet, and incredibly loving girl yesterday, and my life will truly never be the same. I woke up every 5 minutes the past couple of hours laying here, and every time I woke up, it was a flash of her body laying there. Broken glasses, vomit, blue hands, blue face, limp and lifeless. I am never going to be the same after having experienced this. Words can not express my anguish. I love youAngela Hope Smith and I wasn't ready to lose you. You mean the world to me... — with Matt Eissler and Sandy Smith.
My words 2-8:
My heart is shattered. But every piece is being held by Jesus Christ, my Lord and My Savior whom my life belongs to. I love you Lord. Touch every soul who has reached out, responded, given comfort, shown love to my Sarah or myself and whom has known Angela Hope Smith and has loved her Lord. Show them You are REAL and Living. I lean on You Lord. I cry to You Lord. You know us all inside and out. You know our failings, our doubts, our struggles and our severe anguish. AND YOU LOVE US.
Sandy... My heart aches for you. Praying for you and your family. ~Mary Beth Hoffman
I feel so sorry for you for your loss ~Josh Ponish
So sorry, Sandy. ~Jenny Summers
Sandy, I know we only recently met and I don't know you or your family and I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are all experiencing but I wanted to let you know that I am here for you. If you need anything please don't hesitate to ask...even if it's just a hug, arms to surround and comfort you, mine are available. My heart aches and cries out for you all! I love ya sister!Lord, I lift up to you Sandy and her family as they continue to walk thru this grieving process! Only You Poppa can fully understand their pain and anguish at having their beloved daughter/sister/granddaughter taken away so suddenly! I ask You Poppa to keep Your comforting arms around them so that they may find the peace and healing that may elude them. Lord, I ask You to pour Your shed blood into their wounded and broken hearts, bring restoration, bring rest and peace, may Your shed blood mix with theirs and flow within and thru0out them! As they reach out, as they cry out in anguish, Holy Spirit, our Comforter, cover them, envelope them with Your comfort! Remind them that they are not nor never alone, that You are with them even in the darkest of nights! Thank You Poppa for loving them as only You can! ~Jackie Hershberger
You are in my thoughts today Sandy Smith, you are a wonderful person and this is something I cannot even imagine. I can only imagine what this is doing to you and your daughter. You are strong and very special, you have faith and that will guide you. ~Debbie from Florida
Me:
The hardest thing we've ever written. Angela's obituary. Please come to the memorial to pray and speak about Angela and the family. Sunday, 6pm, 2643 West College Avenue at Transforming Lives Through Christ Ministries (old Assembly of God Church)
More of my thoughts: 2-9-13
My thanks could never adequately describe my gratefulness and awe of the outpouring of love I have been experiencing with my daughter Sarah Bailey. I am at a loss. I went to the House of Prayer tonight with Paul LenkerJr and truly had a special time just pouring all of these burdens to God and the people there prayed for me. I am thankful for how He is carrying me through this. I am weak. He is so strong. I have no strength to handle this people. NONE. It is Him helping me. Who is "Him?" It is Jesus Christ. I am not ashamed of the gospel and I will not hesitate to exclaim the love He has for all people. Got to find out if this is real. That's a personal decision indeed. I failed Him so many times. I went astray on purpose. But down inside I longed for His help. Hurt and pain do weird things to you. They can make you think you are better off alone and away from His love. Lies. I learned ( 4 years of sojourning my own way) and am clinging to Him with all my being. Words fail but Jesus never fails.
I want the world to know how wonderful & amazing this girl is and was on this earth. She had so much to offer but struggled with severe depression . SO many hindrances in her life I could not take away. I would have took it all for her if I could. I love you Angela............♥
Does love sleep? (no) Does pain rest? (no) Does God sleep? (no) Does pain come from a lack? (yes) Does God fill that lack? (yes) God Fill That Lack Right Now in your child named Sandy and Sarah. I cannot describe it but you are Omniscient and know everything. Please Lord help...
Definition of Omniscient: having infinite awareness, understanding, and insight; possessed of universal or complete knowledge.
Dear Angela I was thinking about your crazy sense of humor, your gift of cooking, your cute smile, your dimples that are so adorable, your cool dresses from Philly, your flip flop love, your love of cats and doggies, your love of all things orange, your reading the Bible on your phone you told me you had downloaded an app, the time we went to that church together and you asked for prayer boldly going to the front and asking that sweet pastor, your voice mail messages, your piano playing when you were younger, your love of soda, your love of driving (except that tough paper route), your love of SARAH, your love of GRAMA PAT and Grammy, your love of lemonade and peach iced tea, your love of friends, your love of MUSIC, your love of writing, it's endless Angela and I will forever keep this going in my heart because YOU are forever IN my Heart. ♥ 2-12-13
2-15-13:I feel so many things and the strongest feeling is being paralyzed.
"She had broken wings. I do not know how they first got broke. The wings of a sweet little angel. I met earlier than expected. She tried to fly on her own. But could not, she needed help. Love could not mend her. My love did not break through. It took a stronger love to rescue her. From herself." "She flutters and tries to fly but falls to the ground. She tells me, "Oh I'm okay" "I am a grown bird and I can fly on my own" "I don't need your help" I watch her fall as life goes on. I watch her wounds. I watch her bleed. I anguish year after year. I let go. I let go into the strongest hands I know. As I watch her broken body flail and suffer. I watch her give. I watch her create. I watch her drift.
Sarah's words:
Please come to show your love and condolences for Angela and our family on Sunday at 6pm. 2643 West College Avenue, State College. The church is where the Assembly of God used to be like 15 years ago. It is "Centre Learning Community Charter School" is located.
We will have an open mic for people to speak. Please feel free to come even just to offer your presence and love. We need you all now more than ever... My family could have never imagined we'd be having a service for my 25 year old sister and my parents youngest daughter, Angela Hope Smith. I love my family.. — withMichael K Smith and 4 others.
*It's Hard To Believe This is Really Our Life Now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
From my sister Sherrie Magnes:
From Kim Fike 2-12-13
