Terminal State

I've been in a semi terminal state all week. Last night it culminated. It's funny strange how it can all be inside you, you still keep functioning but down inside you're struggling and just cannot get it out, up, or over it. It's just there. Sitting quietly and not doing anything.
 Like a cancer of sorts emotionally and the pain rises now and then to sting your heart and throw ugliness into your thoughts. Last evening I arose to a place in a 'sinking of sorts' and came back swimming today. After much sleep and realization that I do not enjoy the pity state anymore I am choosing to move forward and seek God for advice and to work through this strange sojourning I have to do in the life I have been given.

As far as I can see I have life and I choose to live it. Even if it not the life I desire it is the life I am given and I will relish, embrace, feel every single drop of it. For some have not been given a life as long as mine and I am blessed.