Twelve Days

In 12 days it will be one year since I lost my beautiful daughter, Angela Hope Smith. I cannot even fathom this has really happened. I'm still in a state of shock. I just don't understand the reasoning or feel this makes any sense. I know this life is full of suffering. I never could have imagined I'd have my daughter 25 years and then it would all stop. My heart feels so alone in my grief. As a mother. As a person in this community I feel alone. There is little support in terms of really talking to like minded people about this kind of loss. Maybe I should spent the hundreds and thousands on counseling. I just can't bring myself to it. Although many times I think I should. I am thankful for my friends though. Even if they have no idea what  I am going through they care and love me. Most of all I am thankful for Jesus Christ. Then my wonderful daughter and boyfriend finance. I am cared for very much. I wish I could take Sarah's pain away. Oh how my heart aches daily for her.

Dear Angela,

I love you. I love you. I need you. I want you. I wish you were here. These are my thoughts and they never go away and I don't know how to go on without you. I know you're not in that taxi or that apartment and I just cannot fathom that you are not on this earth anymore. I need you. I miss your voice. I need to express these things.

I love you forever,

Mom