I am in a place of life that is: 1. peace with God 2. sometimes lonely but never alone 3. giving out of the resources Jesus provides for me to others (which is mainly my mom right now) 4. trying to take care of myself too. (me and lists, how would I live without them?) It's a lot to handle. But there is this incredible love and peace with God in my heart. I feel satan against me in so many ways but I listened to a sermon online last night as I laid in bed for bedtime.....by a missionary named Heidi Baker and she was talking about how 1. GOD wants a resting place (that is in our hearts) and 2. God wants us to look to HIM not our circumstances and let Him be the center of our universe, passion, focus, adoration. 3. That your world will be shook up when you really start obeying God and it might get very very hard. This dear lady got saved at 16 and God told her she would be preaching his gospel so she started as a teen. She felt called to Mozambique and ended up getting a horrible disease which Americans can get but this was worse than the American version.....M E R S A ( a serious staff infection which can actually eat away at your flesh, as it was hers) and the docs told her she would die.
Well she never lost faith. She was always a lover of running. As she lay in the hospital dying...she asked her dear husband to buy her running shoes (she could not even walk at this point) and he did and they were telling her she will lose her legs. She checked herself out and flew to preach (they had to put blush on her and make her look less "green" so they would allow her on the plane, they did not want her to die on their plane!) to these people and as she was ministering to them she was healed! Completely and instantly. ((There are now over 250 churches in this area and these were the most UN-reached tribe in Mozambique!)) The pastors of this church she was at visiting and preaching at didn't want her to die on their stage and they discouraged her from preaching that evening...but she did anyway. God can DO ANYTHING.
As I watched this I knew God was telling me that although my problems are nothing as challenging as that I too can focus and love Jesus even in the midst of turmoil, rejection,. loss, grief, pain, sickness. My mom is a chronic pain sufferer and when I get sick I don't handle it great. SO I think, wow, how does she? I watch my mom die a little more each day and some days there are no smiles, no talks, nothing. I only see her asleep on her little couch sitting up looking so uncomfy. But I pray and trust God is still in control. ALL I can control (and not very good at even) is myself. All I can do is submit and let go and release. I don't really need lots of other people telling me this---I NEED the Holy Spirit telling me though. I want to obey God. There's nothing like hearing from God directly. Letting his voice speak to your heart and convict, comfort and console. He is the great comforter.
