Deep Waters

I wonder if this canker sore would go away how much better I would feel? Canker sores are different than cold sores. This is on the inside of my mouth on my gum. I know it's from stress and not having all my needed vitamins. I'm run down. I even took 4 days off work to be here for mom. I just can't handle the thought of leaving her right now. I think I'll be more at peace being here and seeing how she is throughout the day for now.

 I feel pretty badly and in many ways right now. The stress and worry has caught up to me and I can't seem to find the shallow end of the pool. Like I'm in deep waters and don't have the energy to even tread water.

Thanksgiving will never be the same!

Dear friends,  

How is everyone? I had a very rough experience this Thanksgiving. My dear mother that I love had a series of mini strokes on Thanksgiving morning. I received her call at 8 a.m. Yes, she was able to make a phone call. As difficult as that must have been, I am still amazed. It was quite a shock. 

Approximately 3.5 years ago I received this same call while I was at my job and was 1 mile from home. My mother could barely talk that time. It was frightening to say the least. As my mother's main caretaker I always have my phone on me and turned on. Her last stroke was somewhat different as she had some speech issues and had to receive rehabilitation time. She did fully recover from that one. Now back to this week....

Today she is back home from this second stroke. She has been through so much. I notice her short term memory has been less sharp. She also just doesn't feel like her old self these days. I am thankful I have this time with her and can give back to her a portion of all the years she gave to me. She is a truly wonderful woman and person. I learn so much from spending time with her. Her long term memory is phenomenal. Hearing the stories just amazes me. I wish I had a recorder with me but it is impossible to predict such moments. I hope I can retain some of these stories in my own memory to share with my children. 


Every trial and trouble we go through has purpose. I cannot answer for my mother what all she is experiencing within. But there has definitely been a lot going on inside of this me.

I admit I have miss the point of my trials sometimes. Or sometimes it takes a while for it to make sense and realize what I need to learn. and terrible times. In the last, hmmmmm, 5-6 years I have been on a different path and not on the I was on before. I took a few detours back to God but didn't stay steady. No-one knows what they will face in life. No one could have convinced me I would be away like I have been. It's been a strange and crazy time. I spent time a lot of time thinking selfishly. 


Even though it has been hard I think I learned a lot from those few years. It has not been all bad for me. Somehow God has broke through my walls in a whole new way and I want to share it with others. Sharing is so important. After my nightmarish church experiences years ago (several horrible experiences, one that lasted almost 6 years) I really have not talked about in many years with hardly anyone, on a intimate and honest level with people of like faith. I was actually kind of repulsed and turned off from those types for many years. It just didn't make sense to me in a fuller sense then. 

The last 3 days was spent at the hospital. I feel I have a new hope on many levels. I am just humbled and thankful. So much is going on my head is spinning. It's too much to even describe in words , especially on a computer. Lots of pain, panic, stress, crying this week. BUT also amazing small miracles all over, healing within, growth, and humbling experiences. Add exhaustion to that as well. WOW!!!!!

Love you all....

S a n d y