Waves

Waves--

Angela pain washes over me

I succumb to it and cry

I get a breath and float for a while

Another wave comes and washes me down

Light is all around me

God's face I can almost see

Pain pours off me like flowing water over a mountain

Waves of emotion and memories

Waves of what if's

waves that are almost drowning me

God is in this darkness with me

He promises to never leave

flickers of light come and go

Waves of my motherhood

Of my little girl

Of my premature baby

Waves of my lonely teenager

Of my adult not ready

Of my daughter seeking

Of the time I did not spend

Of the time I missed this last year

This last 6 months

This last three months

This January

Who is this young woman

I have forgotten her pure smile

and pure joy

I saw in her in younger years

Another ocean wave comes

I have no control over this pain

I allow myself to feel

It hurts too much to not feel

Swallowing some of the water

As the tears flow over my face

God keeps me from drowning in sorrow

As He floats gently beside me

A strong force

Where would I be if I did not have Him here?

How could I even speak with my daughter?

Where would we be? 

I do not choose to think of how awful that would be.

Sandy~