Grieving

Life has taken on a whole new look. I'm sure I can't see it. But I know I can feel it. It feels cold, untreaded, new territory. It's going to take every ounce of my faith to walk again. I've been knocked off my feet. I feel safest in my cocoon  As I step out it is scary. Stores, doctors, driving. It all feels weird. I went to a park the other day. For about 15 minutes I sat on a bench. Then in my car. Then home I went. No one can fathom just how debilitating this is for me. I spoke to a man who's son took his own life. He said he went back to work in one week. This man became suicidal himself. We all respond differently. This has changed my life. I refuse to be anyone else. I couldn't even if I tried. I feel like someone came and took part of my very heart. The emotional, feeling, depth of my heart. Ripped it right out of my spirit.