Feeling so stuck. I am in this dark sad place. This worries people. If they know. So I'm saying that although I am stuck I will not always be stuck. How could I live forever stuck in this dark place? I am tired. I've just started sleeping a tiny bit better (day time) as night time I can't. It's so easy to give answers but try living in this nightmare. I am not angry at any person. I am hurting. I am wordless when it comes to talking to people. The words after "how are you" just don't come.
It's like someone cut out my tongue. How can I speak when something so unspeakable has happened to my family? When you're so blindsided you cannot find words for the state of mind and heart you are in? I take it day by day. But yes I think about the future. I think about how Sarah feels every single day. The emptiness of not having her sister to call, spend time with, share her life with.
I think about every last time I saw Angela. It seems every time I saw her in the last two years was the last time. I was always burdened. I was always concerned. I don't know how to go on. At least right now my world came to a screeching halt. It's easy to share all the ways I can go on and count the blessings. Do you honestly think I forgot my blessings? But the pain is screaming in the middle of my chest and it's been 72 days. 72 days since I lost my baby girl. The girl who could always tell me everything's going to be alright except to herself.
Intimate Thoughts For Reflection
Sandy, still praying for you. It might not get better quickly. And the road may not seem bright. But with each step you take, you get one step closer to getting better.
ReplyDeleteHello Karen. Thank you for your response. How did you find my blog? I really appreciate your comment. I don't think getting better is the aim but I have been told by moms who are further down this road it's gentler and life can begin again.
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